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This first article is written by mfh2 Board Member, Kim Morrell. 
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"Keep the Sympathy, Give me Humor!"

by Kim Morrell, Mother From Hell 2

I’ve got a child with special needs and when many people hear that, they apologize. This sends me through the roof. Some parents might appreciate people’s sympathies about having that special needs child, but not me. Why would I accept someone’s apologies for a gift from God?

When my son, Taylor was born, it was a less-than-perfect delivery. I was over anesthetized and felt like a zombie that had just awoken from a 20 year slumber. That didn’t do much for my appearance. I was told I looked bluenot the most flattering color for humans, as you probably have guessed. Anyway, after we received the confirmation that Taylor had Down Syndrome, we were given tons of information and people to contact for support. And tons of phone calls telling me that everything would be okay and that we’d all get through this together holy cow! My gram, who has since passed, offered that my baby would “recover” and things would be okay. Bless her soul!

While I appreciated the unsolicited support, I couldn’t identify with what everyone else seemed to be feeling. My child had Down Syndrome. So what? He most likely would act differently, speak differently, learn differently, comprehend differentlyjust be different. To me, that didn’t seem like such a big deal. To his father, it was heart-breaking. I tried to stay positive with people, trying to make them understand that Taylor’s differences were just that – different. I seemed to be the only one that was unaffected by what he may or may not do in the future. So, he ends up working at McDonald’s serving foodROCK ON!maybe he could slip us some free food! Maybe he’d work at a video rental store – cool.. free movies! Maybe he’d do a number of jobs that the general public sees as menial and unimportant. As long as HE loved what his job was, then that’s really all that mattered, right?

Taylor was 2 ½ years old and sooo much fun that I wanted to add to our fun and I gave birth to my daughter, Dannica. While I wanted to give Taylor a sibling, I can’t say my decision was strictly based on wanting more children to add to our family, but also to show Taylor that HE was the reason for wanting more. I never wanted Taylor to think his special needs were a reason NOT to have more children. That may sound odd, but it’s important that my children know that they are 100% loved and wanted, regardless of any special need or whatever.

There were “concerns” expressed by people surrounding us about possibly ending up with another special needs child. People should try educating themselves instead of casting their fears on others! Besides, even if there was an increased chance - which there wasn’t - WHO CARES!!! If God felt I needed another special needs child, then BRING IT ON!!! I was up to the task, especially if handed down by THE BIG MAN UPSTAIRS!

So, I had two children and a husband. I know I was happy raising my kids as a stay-at-home mom, but my husband was having difficulties being optimistic about what the future held for us and threw himself into his work. He expressed that he lacked confidence in raising a special needs child and that sent me into a rage. I know, I know parenting a special needs child is not for everyone, HOWEVER, this is what God gave us both as parents. We were supposed to make the most of it, right? I’m guessing I was a little “off” in my thinking We ended up divorcing when my daughter was 3 years old.

Okay, so I was on my own with two kids wondering where do I go from here? Do I complain about having a special needs child and the problems with working outside of the home? Taylor was in a developmental preschool for ½ days during the week, so what kind of job was I going to find that brought in enough money to survive? Well, hell, I figured there had to be jobs I could do from my home, right? So I started babysitting for my friends and running a dart league. Between that income and the child support, I was able to raise my children at home. We didn’t make a lot of money, but we were happyand then we discovered that Taylor had Autism.

I got a lot of resistance from people in regards to our Autism diagnosis. People said if Taylor had this diagnosis then he would be stereotyped a certain way. How could he possibly be stereotyped any more than he already was?!!?!? Friends would tell me that I really didn’t want that diagnosis because it meant a whole new mess of problems and obstacles. OH, and leaving it undiagnosed was helping us??!?!?! Now, I ask you – at what point does something become ignorant? I think we’ve passed it!

I welcomed the diagnosis because it explained soooo many unexplained behaviors. According to the public school system, my child was a behavior problem and according to the medical field, he had Autism. All I know is that when I started applying the skills needed to deal with Autism to my son, life became very simple. Now, why would I want to fight that?

As the years went by I started evaluating my parenting and how I functioned as a person. I knew I was right where I was meant to be, but I needed to fine tune things according to our family unit. Every family does things differently and while one person claims their way is the best, another direction might be best for the next person. I gave up trying to parallel my life to others with special needs kids. I gave up trying to keep my ex-husband involved with Taylor’s activities. He was good about being involved with Dannica, but had the roughest time identifying with Taylor. I gave up caring about what anyone else thought or believed. This was my life and I was going to raise my kids as I saw best. Wow, does that tick people off or what?!!?!?

So, we lived our life with what made us happy and tried to catch a lot of it in pictures. In school pictures and family pictures, Taylor’s got some hysterical poses. The photographers always ask if I want to retake them and I laugh “Hell no! These show EXACTLY who Taylor is!” I always surprised the studios when I’d buy tons of pictures of a goofy pose. We have one picture that was taken right as my daughter was answering “Who’s your favorite brother?” and she lifted her hand under his chin and started to say, “My Taylor!” At the same time my son threw his arms out in a broadway-type pose. I’ve got an 8x10 of it hanging on my wall in my living room! Now THOSE are MY kids!

Today, our household includes 3 dogs, 2 ½ cats (one is an indoor/outdoor cat - ha ha), me and Taylor and Dannica. It’s nutsy, chaotic and loud, but everyday we laugh and everyday we celebrate all we have. When the kids come home from school or being out, they are welcomed by puppies and kitties slobbering all over them, happy to have them home. Yes, it’s like that EVERYDAY!

So, while we have our learning experiences with my son’s special needs, I guess I choose to take things in stride and apply sarcasm and humor to the situation. Hey, if you can’t laugh about it, then was it really worth the effort? Humor is key in our household. Laughter heals and brings people together. I honestly believe that. So next time you are presented with something less than “fun”, try bringing humor into the picture.